When the PANIC sets in....

I've seen it happen, and it isn't pretty!

I think its sort of like an instinct or something. Perfectly rational people become completely insane the closer they get to their wedding date. The last few days are the worst.

If you've ever read one of those wedding planning books, you've noticed there are guidelines, checklists, and charts going into complete detail about when you should have each thing done. Most brides believe, with total confidence, in these books. They carry them everywhere. They stop in the middle of a conversation and consult the book. I actually had to look at one; I thought maybe there was a horoscope in there or something. Maybe there is, I couldn't make much sense of it. I think Brides speak in a different language. Strange words, like Periwinkle and Tulle. But I'm going off topic here. The book never lies, it knows all, it tells the truth. So, why is it that in the last 2 weeks, a bride will suddenly lose the faith? Right there in front of her is the checklist. It’s checked. Favors have been decided on, and partly assembled. Ribbons cut, paper doilies looking like a blizzard. Now is NOT the time to start coming up with new ideas! Maybe you have enough time to fix something major that has fallen apart like a major vendor dying or something. But why start changing things?

I'm starting to think a Bride should go through a Military Strategy class, or at the very least have been a Brides maid or Maid of Honor at least once, before she is allowed to be a Bride. It’s truly insane. The bride has to be pretty, will spend weeks finding the perfect dress, she'll go for a Practice Hair day, maybe a practice makeup day, get a year membership to the gym (might even go?) do tanning, teeth whitening, laser peel, Botox, and pluck, prod, and other things that must be torture in more civilized countries. While all this is going on, she is also coordinating a feast for thousands, arranging decorations, entertainment. Logistics and transportation, lodging, keeping family members separated according to levels of intoxication or religious beliefs. If this were a Union event, it would be a whole team of Teamsters. They would Strike! But no, she has to do it HERSELF! I mean, come on, who could trust this to a Mother or Aunt?

The Groom, of course, if he is smart, will be very quiet the last month. He might even try to leave the country. He might get a hair cut the month of the wedding. Will probably shave the week of the wedding. He'll spend more time washing and waxing the car, so the shaving cream won't stick to it! Day of the wedding, he'll probably shower, put on the tux, and sit around bored for 4 hours, say his 3 lines, get a kiss for his trouble, then try to make it through the reception without looking like a dork to all his friends. And he’ll be very proud of himself for showing up on time! What’s all the fuss about anyway?

In the end, no matter what happens, if you both still want to, they almost always will let you sign that license and go home together. It won't matter if the Tulle is Periwinkle, or the punch is red when you wanted green, or your uncle messed up the Congo line. That is actually the funny thing. A year of planning, and its over so fast you almost miss it. Hope someone got it on video! Because I can tell you, you won't remember most of it!

Lets face it, by the time you get good at this, it’s way too late. By the end of the honeymoon, you'll have repressed most memories, and be mostly useless to the next generation.

Don’t believe me? Drop me a line AFTER the wedding and we’ll compare notes!

Thanks for reading!
Carlin